Zoey’s Song
At four in the morning our Pit Bull, P.D., stood on his hind legs with his front paws on my bed and nuzzled my arm with his nose. He and Zoey, our American Bulldog, usually sleep through the night, but they wake me to let them out if they need to go to the bathroom. As soon as I get up P.D. usually races down the stairs to the back door, but that night he walked over to his bed and laid down.
I went to the bedroom door. “You wanna go out or not?”
P.D. didn’t move.
Cursing under my breath, I went back to sleep. P.D. woke me again. When I got up, he returned to his bed.
“What the hell’s going on?”
P.D. just stared at me.
Exasperated, I went back to bed. He jumped up, walked over to Zoey’s bed, and sat down. When I looked at Zoey, I realized what P.D. had been trying to tell me. Uncharacteristically, she hadn’t stirred during his ups and downs. She lay on her side, her eyes closed, her tongue sticking out of her mouth. I knelt beside her. Her bed was sopping wet with urine. Semi-conscious, she couldn’t stand.
I made an emergency appointment with the vet. He gave her a complete physical.
“Is it kidney failure?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I’ll need to see the results of her blood panel to make a diagnosis.”
“What’s the treatment for kidney failure?”
He paused. “There’s no cure,” he said gently.
His words took my breath away. “How long has she got?” I choked out.
“We’re getting ahead of ourselves. Let’s wait for the blood work.”
On the drive home I fought back tears as Zoey slept on the seat beside me.
When she was five months old, a dog breeder who’d lost his home to foreclosure begged my daughter to take her for a few days, then disappeared, and wouldn’t answer her calls. My daughter already had three dogs. She asked Cindy and me if we wanted Zoey. A few years earlier, two fourteen-year-old dogs we’d raised from puppies succumbed to cancer. We turned Zoey down at first because we were still heartbroken, but we missed the love of a dog and we eventually agreed to take her.
I had recently retired, and Zoey filled my suddenly empty days. When I walked her in the park, she bounced along like she had springs in her legs. She chased down tennis balls and leapt high in the air to catch frisbees. At night, we rolled around on the floor in front of the television, playing chew-toy tug of war. She followed me everywhere and waited for me at the front windows whenever I left home without her.
Time passed. We moved to Hidden Hills. To keep her safe from rattlesnake bites, I spent a small fortune on a snake fence to enclose our big backyard and took her to rattlesnake avoidance training. She was smart and learned her lessons quickly.
When our grandkids came over, she got excited and played too rough. Knowing Zoey was a quick study, I hired a dog trainer to break the habit. A nice young woman in her late twenties, the trainer was gentle with Zoey, but firm. Zoey didn’t like the firm part. She hid under the bed at the beginning of each session, and when I pulled her out in the open, she stood behind me and timidly peeked around my leg at the trainer.
“We’re getting nowhere,” the young woman said. “Zoey’s not the problem. She’s smart. You’re the problem. She knows you’ll let her get away with anything. You won’t discipline her.”
The trainer was right. I spoiled Zoey. I still do. I can’t help it. It’s who I am.
I paid the trainer a bonus and terminated the lessons. Zoey miraculously got better with the grandkids on her own. That might have been a coincidence, but I like to think Zoey paid me back for getting rid of the trainer.
When Zoey turned five, we added P.D. to the family. It didn’t work out well at first. She was jealous and miserable whenever I paid attention to P.D. I asked the vet for advice. He said Zoey’s reaction to P.D. was typical of dogs who’d been the sole pet in a household for several years. “She doesn’t want to share you with another dog. She’s like an only-child toddler, who resents the attention her dad gives to a newborn baby. She’ll get over it with time, but my guess is she secretly likes him already. Spy on them when they’re alone. See how she acts.”
The vet was right. From the kitchen window where Zoey couldn’t see me, I watched her playing with P.D. in the backyard. They wrestled like puppies having the time of their lives. Zoey’s jealousy soon faded away, and she became good pals with P.D. even when I was around.
A few years later, arthritis crippled me so badly I couldn’t take Zoey and P.D. on their daily walks, so I hired our dog groomer to cover for me. Zoey didn’t want to leave the house without me. I had to shove her out the door, and at the end of her walks, she ran back to me. When I went through knee replacement surgeries to get back on my feet, Zoey kept vigil at the foot of my bed during my recoveries, and she was overjoyed when we hit the trails again.
The years rolled by, and age began to take its toll. The vet implanted metal screws in Zoey’s back knee to hold it together; arthritis ate away at her shoulders; and nascent cysts budded in her eyes. The vet prescribed Carprofen for arthritic inflammation and Keterolac eyedrops to keep the cysts at bay. Even with the medicine, Zoey’s eyesight dimmed, her gait became stiff-legged, and climbing steps grew difficult.
Despite her aches and pains, she seemed happy and remained active until the morning of our emergency trip to the vet. When we returned home, I placed a rubber pad under her dog bed. Listless and lethargic, she spent most of the day there. That night she fell into a deep sleep. Shafts of moonlight coming through the windows highlighted the fawn spots on her white back. Watching over her, I tried to come to grips with her mortality. I could not.
The vet called me the next day. “It isn’t renal failure,” he said. “The blood work is consistent with a treatable condition. Some female dogs, who were spayed young, suffer from weak bladders in old age. Zoey was spayed at five months.” He prescribed Proin to restore bladder control and ordered a more extensive blood panel to rule out other illnesses.
The medicine worked. Zoey’s energy and personality came back, and the blood analysis cleared her of everything else.
That all went down three months ago.
Since then, her brush with death has forced me to face up to a harsh truth. Zoey and I have grown old together, but time marches to a faster, meaner beat of the drum for her. The life expectancy for her breed is ten. She’s thirteen. A heart-breaking day lurks out there somewhere in the future. I have to accept it.
But for now, she’s still with me. She wags her tail when she wakes up in the morning, plays tug of war with her chew toys, jumps around like a puppy when I grab her leash, and enjoys the sights and scents of two walks a day. Our dog groomer, who knows more about canine health than most vets, thinks she has several good years ahead of her. I hope he’s right. In the meantime, I’ll savor the memories of our long, good run together and make the most of the fun times still to come.
Post Script: “Old age is the way of all living things. It’s natural and ordinary. All creatures are born, grow old, and die. There’s no point in crying about it.” I put those words in Jolene Hukstep’s mind in Old Wounds to the Heart. They seemed to help her, but when the day of loss came, she still cried.
For more about Zoey and P.D., see Dog Days, Rattlesnake Avoidance Training, Animal Pharm, and Coyote Run.